Style wasteland?

Before we get into this…I AM NOT PREGNANT! Just in case the fella dips into the blog and goes ‘wtf??’…no, no, darling, not me…BUT I was asked by a good friend who is in the family way to do a post about the cruel mistress pregnancy is to style.

or is it…

Basically, head to ASOS. Be willing to spend about €200 on big mama clothes and you will survive. There is no need to go elsewhere, my ASOS sprees got me through three pregnancies without looking back. Plus, in researching for this I tried out a few other sites (pregnancy shopping should ONLY be done online!) and there’s feck all there. Stay in ASOS land, where all is good.

Now, before I show you my picks remember that once the pregnancy is over you will NEVER want to see ANY OF THESE CLOTHES AGAIN, BELIEVE ME. Unless, of course, you hit the nine month road again, in which case, take them down from the attic and reload.

Okay so firstly you need a couple of dresses…

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Work ones, two will do…honest (remember these clothes will never return A. Because they remind you of being a duck and B. because you wear the bejesus out of them)…both are €38.35.

Weekend dresses…or work, sure why not, I dare anyone to argue with a pregnant lady.

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I like the stripes business while packing, it makes the bump extra cute. I’m from the ‘ be proud of the bump’ gang. Wear it, don’t hide it, doesn’t work. And always get dresses that go to the knee or below, this is no time to get the legs out…Colour stripe is €38.35 and Breton stripe is €34.25.

Another essential and I mean E S S E N T I A L is a pair of maternity jeans. NOT skinny maternity jeans (an oxymoron if ever there was) no, no, get boot cut or straight leg.

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Lighter blue are €47.94 and darker (with a BAD choice of shoe) are €21.90. You need these, you will live in these, and it gets you away from the dreaded leggings word. Leggings are unavoidable by the way, godammit the COMFORT, but variation is your new BFF. So add some jeans or dresses or your will to leave the house will dwindle rapidly!

Next you’re gonna need some cute tops to get you through the expanding belly phase…here’s a plethora…

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LO-OVE the Beige one, a mere €30.14, and the Mint is €34.25. Cute for work or for the (extremely rare while bumped up) night out. For chilling Stripes @ €12.31 (!!!!!) and Love tee is €24.66.

Then.

Inevitably someone will get married, have a big birthday, emigrate, move house, SOMETHING, and you will have to get dressed up, worry not, I’ve got your back. Feast your eyes…

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Oooooooooooooh. Especially the black beauty, I would snap up if there was a childless version. €54.79 and €116.43 respectively my loves.

We need shoes…

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Two good ones…brogues are €43.83 and mules €47.94. I am ADDICTED to heels, but even at 8 months I was defeated and had to wear flats…not happy at ALL. So if you’re like me, get pretty flats or it’s a grim few weeks…!

I’ll finish with two pieces of advice…buy a LOAD of track suit bottoms and tee shirts in Penney’s a size or two bigger than your normal size for after the little banana boat gets here. You will not want to wear anything else for about two weeks and these are the only way to go. Darker colours…obviously (shiver).

Finally, mama’s-to-be, the ultimate scam has to be the baby bag…once bitten and all that. You do NOT need a bag with compartments for bottles and nappies and all the KITCHEN SINKS involved when leaving the house en famille. Like you’ll have time to pack stuff into sections…! Get a big cool tote and throw it all in and leave…and get a nice spendy one, you haven’t been drinking in ages so you’re loaded AND you just made a person.

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Eh, can I just say here, if my fella is perusing…buy me the above…€130.13

As the abominable snowman says in Monsters Inc. (BIG fans round ours) wasteland…don’t you mean wonderland?!!

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